It's Tender Underneath

I remember a time when I felt like a tree. Not in a good way, really. I felt as if I were a tree being stripped of my bark with nothing but tender growth underneath. Let me give a little background to this story.

I had been experiencing a wonderful time of closeness and renewal with God. I was feeling His presence, it seemed He was answering my prayers, my husband and children were well and the church was growing and happy. Everything was sweet.  And in that time of sweetness, I asked Jesus to make me more like Him, to change me and refine me and make me into who He really wanted me to be. I prayed that a lot, especially because it was such a sweet time, and I felt so lovey-dovey towards Him.

The sweet time continued for a while and then He decided to really answer my prayer. This is where the tree part comes in. In His gentle but insistent way, He began to reveal my sin to me. Sins like selfishness, pride, self reliance and ingratitude. Not only did He show me these sins, He wanted me to see them, turn from them and to stop doing them.  So much of what He wanted me to get rid of felt like it was a part of who I was. I wasn’t sure I could separate me from my sin. It felt like bark being slowly stripped away from a tree. Layers of my identity, tough and dry, were being peeled back and the tender new growth underneath felt very vulnerable. It didn’t feel very good and I felt a little double-crossed. I had forgotten that I had prayed for personal growth, for His likeness to be formed in me. He was being faithful and I was feeling ill used.  I felt like He had used all the closeness to soften me up so He could tear away parts of me.  I was kind of right.

However, the pain and injury of this process drew me to Him. It could have easily gone the other way. I could have chosen to hold onto my protective bark, or grown more back.  I don’t always cooperate with what He is doing, but that time I did. I told Him “okay”. I struggled a lot. I prayed a lot. I cried and complained and felt sorry for myself at times. And I remembered that really, what He was doing was what I wanted Him to do. That there was nothing more valuable to me than becoming more like Him. Even when it was difficult and made me feel very vulnerable.  And the really surprising thing about that time of stripping and tenderness? It was the sweetest of all.

Let's learn to be honest with each other about the pain and sweetness of this process.  If my story sounds familiar to you, let me know. Tell me about your experience.